What do women REALLY want?

Sometimes it can be difficult for simple men to understand what women really mean when they are talking to us. Especially for those simple men we have a simple guide to what women really mean and want.

1.FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are
right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a
woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

2.FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's
an even trade.

3.NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn
you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually
signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

4.GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

5.GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You
will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed
by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five
Minutes" when she cools off.

6.LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot
at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
and arguing with you over "Nothing"

7.SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that
she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will
stay content.

8. THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to
a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard
before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's
Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a
"Raised Eyebrow."

9. GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty
big trouble.

10. PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the
chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing
whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

11.THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not! faint. Just say you're welcome.

12.THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot"
when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have
offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud
Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as
she will only tell you "Nothing"